Appreciation over validation, thank you.

I don’t understand this idea that you need to be constantly validated by those around you. It’s such a foreign concept to me. I do not understand what, if anything, it could possibly add to my life. Maybe I’m broken in the sense that I grew up lesbian in a world where that’s not something that comes with validation. No one will ever bounce homosexuality back at you as a positive. You come to terms with it on your own and you find pride in it on your own. But even if I had grown up straight I don’t think I’d understand. I am who I am. There is no validation that will in any way enrich my identity. It just doesn’t work that way. My identity is mine, it’s my own little world that will be affected by those around me, but ultimately it will always stand on its own two legs. Because I am not who others see me as, I am me. Even when others aren’t around me I still exist. I’m not a self-fulfilling prophecy, I am an independent person. Everything around that is superfluous. Sure it has an effect. But it’s still not synonymous. Validation does not make identity or in any way fortify it.

I do want to be appreciated, though. I think that’s a human need, to some extent. To be appreciate and to feel like you make a difference. But I’ve never wanted to be appreciated for who I am, I want to be appreciated for what I do. And maybe that’s why I do not understand validation especially as it appears in gender theory currently. Because validation seems to be the one current running through most of that ideology, based on the static self of the individual and not on the individual’s actions and/or behaviour. It’s a dead sort of validation of your body as an object and not of you as an agent with a will. I don’t know, to me that feels fundamentally wrong. I am flesh, but flesh is nothing, there’s nothing to validate, it’s just a physical reality. But to receive appreciation for the actions you perform with this lump of bio matter on the other hand — that’s, that feels good. And not just good, it feels empowering.

I don’t know, I just feel like actions should speak louder than matter. I feel we should be more than objects. Judged on and appreciated for our actions, as opposed to the abstract validation of a sense of self.

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